Sorry I Forgot to Think of a Name for This Game

You wake up in a dimly lit area with a stone floor. All you have on your person is a slightly sharpened stick and a piece of paper. Also you need a name... so give one.(set: $hasClothes to false)(set: $hasBook to false)(set: $hasCheese to false)(set: $hasBrokenBook to false)(set: $hasRats to false)(set: $hasCrobar to false)(set: $hasBoots to false)(set:$noBoards to false)(set:$openDoor to false)(set:$angredRat to false)(set:$ateCheese to false)(set:$noWebs to false)(set:$myFuckingHand to false)(set:$brokenBars to false) [[ok->Name 'em]] [[No fuck you->Refusal]]

(if:visits<2)[It... sure is a stick, could probably do some damage to a... wall of cotton.](if:visits >= 2)[It still is a stick, that's not gonna change.] [[Return]]

You look down at the paper, it (if:visits > 1)[still] reads: ''Hey there $name You seem to be lost? You know nothing, you have nothing, and you are stuck in this mysterious place. It sure would be a shame if you were stuck here forever... But luckily for you I have items around you to help you escape from these catacombs Aight good luck From ~~Not Important~~'' [[Return]] [[Where are they?->Confuse]]

Ok choose again [[Go forth]] [[Look at stick]] [[Look at paper]] [[Nah I don't feel like it]]

(set: $name to (prompt: "Enter your name:", "The Name")) [[Next]]

Alright fine if you wanna be a dickhead about it you don't get a name (set: $name to "`[INSERT NAME HERE]`") [[Next]]

Aight great $name, what are you gonna do now? [[Go forth]] [[Look at stick]] [[Look at paper]] [[Nah I don't feel like it]]

(if:visits < 2)[Listen it's not my job to parse, that's what you gotta do. [[Ugh fine whatever->Look at paper]] ] (elseif:visits >= 2)[Asking repeatedly isn't gonna make me budge, you have to actually //play// the game. Now stop pestering me! [[Yeah yeah yeah->Look at paper]]]

Listen if you don't do anything then you're just gonna be stuck in here with absolutely nothing. Are you sure? [[Fine I'll move]] [[I don't care]]

Ok good, //now// what are you gonna do? [[Go forth]] [[Look at stick]] [[Look at paper]]

Don't you want to know why you're here, who you are? //''Do you want to starve?''// [[I'm not moving]] [[I have decided to reconsider my brash inaction->Fine I'll move]]

Alright alright whatever You decide that you are too lazy to explore and simply lie on the cold stone. Your mind fills with thoughts of... I don't know... rats maybe? Too bad for you there's no food or water or a good place to sleep and so (css: "font-size: 150%;")[''YOU DEAD''] [[Retry?->Next]]

You look around your current location, you see a sign pointing north and east. On the back (if: $hasClothes is true)[an empty hook](if: $hasClothes is false)[you see a pair of clothes on a hook], (if:$noBoards is not true)[next to some boards sloppily nailed to the wall] (if:$noBoards is true and $hasBoots is false)[next to a hole in the wall with some ugly ass boots in them](if:$noBoards is true and $hasBoots is true)[next to an empty hole in the wall]. (if:$hasClothes is false)[[[Get clothes->Get clothes]]] (if:$noBoards is false)[[[Remove Boards->Remove Boards]]] [[Go North]] [[Go East]] (if:$noBoards is true and $hasBoots is false)[[[Take boots->Take boots]]]

You go over to the hook and take the clothes off. They are dingy, dusty, and falling apart, but you don't exactly have much of a choice. And hey, now you can use your pockets instead of storing your inventory in unspeakable places. (set: $hasClothes to true) [[Return->Go forth]] [[These are disgusting I'm not wearing them]]

(if:$hasCrobar is false)[(if:visits <= 1)[You attempt to pull at the boards but try as you might they don't budge. All you get for your troubles is a hand full of splinters and a mind full of sorrow.] (if:visits >= 2)[You try to pull at the boards again, but who could've guessed nothing happens, though now your hand is bleeding so that's something.(set: $myFuckingHand to true)]](if:$noBoards is not true)[(if: $hasCrobar is true)[You use your crowbar to pull off the boards. (if:$myFuckingHand is true)[It takes you a while due to your previous exploits causing a crimson river to flow from your hand.] After your graceful pulling causes the boards to smack you in the face. Behind them you see a rather ugly looking pair of boots.(set:$noBoards to true)]] [[Return->Go forth]] (if:$noBoards is true)[[[Take boots->Take boots]](if:$hasClothes is false and $hasBoots is false)[ [[I'm still not wearing that disgusting shit->No boots]]](if:$hasClothes is true and $hasBoots is false)[ [[I draw the line at ugly ass boots->No boots]]]]

(if:$openDoor is false)[In this room you see a large stone door with a lock on it. There doesn't appear to be much else here.](if:$openDoor is true)[There isn't much in this room besides the shattered door (if:$hasBrokenBook is false)[and battered book.]] [[Return->Go forth]] (if:$openDoor is false)[[[Open door->Open Door]] [[Pick Lock]]](if:$openDoor is true)[(if:$hasBrokenBook is false)[[[Get broken book->Get broken book]]] [[Enter door]]]

You walk into the room and see that there are passages on every side. You are also able to see a small hole in the ground. [[Go north]] [[Go west->Go forth]] [[Go east]] [[Go south]] (if:$angredRat is false)[[[Go in the hole->Go in the hole]]](if: $hasCheese is true)[ [[Use cheese on hole]]](if: $angredRat is true)[[[Go back to hole->Go back to hole]]]

God you're so picky. Alright fine you can run around naked, happy? (set: $hasClothes to false) [[Yep->Go forth]] [[I've changed my mind]]

You begrudgingly put them on, mumbling under your breath to absolutely no one.(set: $hasClothes to true) [[Return->Go forth]]

You pull at the door in an attempt to get it open, however that lock sure is a lock and keeps the door locked. [[Return->Go North]]

(if:$hasBook is false)[You attempt to use your stick to pick the lock... however you know absolutely nothing about lock picking so it doesn't work. Oops maybe you should have paid attention in lock picking class.] (else-if:$hasBook is true)[You open your lock picking book to try to learn how to pick the lock. However you remember, you hate reading. So instead you chuck the book at the door. Miraculously the door shatters and opens to another room.(set: $openDoor to true) The book however in in horrible condition on the floor.(set:$hasBook to false)] (if:$openDoor is true)[[[Enter door->Enter door]]] (if:$openDoor is true and $hasBrokenBook is false)[[[Get broken book->Get broken book]]] [[Return->Go North]]

(if:$brokenBars is false)[You see some wooden bars on the wall, with a chest behind it.](if:$brokenBars is true)[All you see are shattered bars and an open chest, there is nothing for you to do here] [[Return->Go East]] (if:$brokenBars is false)[[[Break bars->Break bars]]]

(if:$noWebs is false)[You enter the room... But you immediately regret it The room is dusty and completely filled with cobwebs. The stench of something rotting wafts through the air.] (if:$noWebs is true) [The room is still disgusting but now there are a lot less cobwebs.(if:$hasCheese is false and $ateCheese is false)[The disgust is added to by the dirty cheese on the ground.]] [[Get outta here->Go East]] [[Investigate the smell]] (if:$noWebs is false)[[[Clear the cobwebs->Clear the cobwebs]]](if:$noWebs is true and $hasCheese is false and $ateCheese is false)[[[Take the cheese->Take the cheese]] [[Eat the cheese]]]

You can't it's too small [[Return->Go East]] [[Not with that attitude]]

After hours of trying you finally manage to fit yourself into the hole. However doing so causes all your bones to be crushed because the hole's like 6 inches wide. ''YOU DEAD'' [[Retry?->Go East]]

You follow the smell and you find... Actually on second thought you really don't want to describe what you found. [[Return->Go south]]

You blow all the cobwebs away. Horrible idea but at least they're gone now. You look around the cleared room and all you find that you don't want to block out of your mind is a block of cheese on the ground. (set: $noWebs to true) [[Eat the cheese]] [[Take the cheese]]

Considering the fact that it was on the ground covered in cobwebs it doesn't taste the greatest. In fact that taste is so not the greatest that it causes you to fall to the ground and hold your stomach in pain And then you bang your head on the ground and your head splits open and ''YOU DEAD'' [[Retry?->Go south]]

You Pick up the cheese and put it in your (if:$hasClothes is true)[pocket](if:$hasClothes is false)[ummm...] (set: $hasCheese to true)It's actually one of the better smelling things in this room. [[Return->Go south]]

You place the cheese near the hole. Out of it comes a rat that eats the cheese. After it's done it comes up to you and looks at you [[Let rat follow you]] [[Kill the rat]]

You take a liking to the rat, and allow it to follow you. Though as you let one follow you a whole swarm of rats join you. You better not step on any (set: $hasRats to true)(set:$hasCheese to false)(set:$ateCheese to true) [[Return->Go East]]

You despise rats, you pick the rat up and grasp it so hard that the vermin is eviscerated. After the rat becomes nothingness you hear a rumbling in the wall near the hole. Out of it burst the giant rat king. He looms above you with a primal rage for killing one of his subjects. Now what're you gonna do? [[RUN]] [[Make peace]] [[Attack with stick]] [[Cower]](if:$hasBook is true or $hasBrokenBook is true)[ [[Throw book]]]

You bolt it as quick as possible out of the room, however you're too slow and the rat king throws a sizable stone at your head ''YOU DEAD'' [[Retry?->Go East]]

You attempt to make peace with the rat king. You hold out your hand for a handshake. The rat king returns and holds your hand... Before he picks you up by the arm, swings you around and chucks you into a wall. ''YOU DEAD'' [[Retry?->Go East]]

You attempt to stab the rat king with a stick. It does jack shit. The rat king is disappointed and all he could manage was an ineffectual slap. It didn't hurt that much but out of respect you let it kill you. ''YOU DEAD'' [[Retry?->Go East]]

You curl into a ball and cower for your life. The rat king is very disappointed and thinks you don't deserve to be killed by him. Instead he just picks you up and lightly throws you into the other room. If you don't mess with him again, then he'll leave you alone. (set: $angredRat to true)(set:$hasCheese to false)(set:$ateCheese to true) [[Next->Go East]]

You walk over to the bars and try to figure out how to break them. In your infinite wisdom you decide the best option is to slam your head into the bars. Eventually after enough head trauma the bars finally snap. You open the chest behind the bars and you find... A how to lockpick book Ain't that convenient. (set:$hasBook to true) (set:$brokenBars to true) [[Return->Go east]]

In this room you see a high wall (if:$hasCrobar is false)[with something inside a](if:$hasCrobar is true)[an empty] hole at the top. [[Go back->Go East]] [[Climb to the hole]] (if:$hasRats is true)[[[Command rats->Command rats]]]

You ready your arm and throw the heavy book at the rat king. The book slams into the rat king's face, killing him instantly. After you kill the rat king all the other rats swarm around you. It turns out after you kill the rat king you become the rat king. You take your position as the ALL HIGH GOD OF RATS. You use your rat power to break through the wall. Now to spread your rat influence throughout the entire world. ''Achieved Rat End'' [[Restart->The Start of it]]

You see it finally, fresh air. However, you're too tired to do anything so you just fall asleep in the grass. ''Achieved Escape End'' [[Restart->The Start of it]]

You put on the boots, even though they are pretty tight and incredibly uncomfortable. Though the bottoms are iron plated, so that's pretty metal (set: $hasBoots to true) [[Return->Go forth]]

You really don't seem to care about escaping do you? Fine, fine whatever, but if you're stuck here forever then don't blame me. [[Alright fine I'll take the stupid boots->Take boots]] [[Yeah that's great->Go forth]]

You enter the next room to the shock of something horrible laid out. On the ground you can see thousands of pieces of broken glass meticulously placed face up. [[Walk through it]] [[Nope->Go North]]

You shovel the pieces of the book into your (if:$hasClothes is true)[pocket.](else:)[not important.] You notice they still have some heft to them even in this sorry state. Though it isn't much worse than the books you had in public school. (set:$hasBrokenBook to true) [[Go back->Go North]]

(if:$hasBoots is true)[You confidently trudge over the glass, with your feet being protected by your iron covered boots. After the end of this rediculously long walk, you see a light. It's the exit! You've finally made it out of this shithole. You exit the catacombs, somewhat melancoly for reasons you can't explain. You then walk out in awe of the outside world, off to your next journy that, I can guarentee will never be written ''Acheived Escape End'' [[Restart?->The Start of it]]](if: $hasBoots is false)[You try walking on the glass... barefoot. Yeah it goes about as well as you'd expect I'm not describing that ''YOU DEAD'' [[Retry?->Enter door]]]

The rat king burst out again, even more enraged at your idiocy for returning. He quickly charges at you, you don't have much time to think, what to you do? [[RUN]] [[Stand your ground]] (if: $hasBook is true)[[[Throw book->Throw book]]](else-if:$hasBrokenBook is true)[[[Throw book->Throw book]]]

You stand holding your stick in an attempt to defend yourself from the charging rodent. However it does nothing, and the stick is snapped easily. Letting the rat king have full reign to have at you. ''YOU DEAD'' [[Go East]]

(if:$hasCrobar is true)[You try to climb up the wall, but this time you really have no reason I mean you got everything in there already. Anyways, shocker, you can't do it.](if:$hasCrobar is false)[You despretly try to climb up the wall, first trying to find any grips, then resorting to desprately flailing in an attempt to climb the wall like Spider-Man. You're lucky no one's here to see how much of an idiot you look like] [[Return->Go north]]

(if:$hasCrobar is false)[You command your pack to rats to climb up the wall and get the object of your desire. However they can't climb walls. However, their desprate attempt creates a large mound of rats that you are able climb up to get the object, revealed to be a crowbar. You revel in your find as you strut down your ratramp.(set:$hasCrobar to true)](if:$hasCrobar is true and visits >= 2)[You once again commands the rats to make a pile up to the hole. There's nothing there you just like the feeling of power.] [[Return->Go north]]